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kittylover6190
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Name: Zen
Country: United States
State: Kentucky
Metro: Covington
Birthday: 6/1/1990
Gender: Female
Interests: theatre, photography, SKA!!!, being random, ninjas, food, sleeping, dancing like a psycho and getting weird looks, counting ceiling tiles, confusing ppl, yelling such amusing things as "ooooh, a squirrel!" and "oh, look, a distraction!", creating a pledge of the randoms, musicals, shiny objects, sparkly things, guns and swords of the nondangerous type, getting into fake arguments that end in fake ....., staying up late, watching movies, glowsticks, volunteering, being "the weird one", french, irish boys ;)....is chocolate an interest? or an obsession?
Expertise: being random and dramatic
Occupation: Student
Industry: Art
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  kittylover6190
Member Since:
9/16/2006
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| school:
hist of theatre- it's starting to be boring. like the stuff we learn is interesting but the transferring of the information is just not something i want to do first thing in the morning.
interpersonal- still an OMG i love that class!! class. i think i'm doing pretty well. i officially love dr. p. he's basically the dad i never had and if i ever really had a problem in life, i'm pretty sure i'd go to him after my friends.
french- i've really gotten into the conversation hour. i've also been doing a ton for french club. last wednesday was the start of national french week. i helped out with the bake sale for like 3 1/2 hours and then eric and i went back to my room for an hour before coming back to campus for a lecture with thomas more kids for rhinoceros. the things we read are cool but that class is really boring because madame constantly is trying to teach people how to analyze literature in general. i still have no idea what my grade's gonna be because we don't have a lot of work to turn in.
stagecraft- i'm picking things up decently well. we're now working on scenic and costume designs for summer and smoke. those are really fun but i really want them to be detailed and good so they're time-consuming. my dress is finished and i'm quite pleased with it but it still looks very home-made. ah well.
stage appearance- we're getting into more intricate stuff. we just finished animals, wounds, and gender reversal. all super-fun. gretchen, my stagecraft professor, even introduced me to jeff, the head of the costume shop, to try to get me into doing make-up for titanic or bye bye birdie. i'm excited.
last wednesday was scheduling for next semester. mynku was a mass headache and i basically freaked out in the middle of hist of theatre because that's when we could register and mine wasn't working. susie finally figured out a way around it and i got all 6 that i wanted: audio production, power of words, cult and camp musicals, intro to mass media, french lit- women writers, and broadcast newswriting. earliest class is t/th 10:50. m/w starts at 2. no classes on friday. night class on thurs. it's gonna be so weird and i hope i don't regret it.
plays-
much ado about nothing- funny but it really went on for a loooooong time. stephanie was in it, though, so it was cool to see her star. still love my shakespeare.
annie- at nda. opening of the new theatre. really beautiful. i think they're officially legit now. the talent is still a little meh but they make it work. i didn't know annie but her voice was spectacular. got to catch up with so many people. loved it.
RENT!!!!!- the final tour with anthony rapp and adam pascal. we were in the highest level but whatever. it was AMAZING!! i'm pretty sure my breath was taken away a couple times. it was just sooooo legit and sooooo good.
rhinoceros- well, the lighting and costumes were fantastic. i'm glad i went to the lecture so i kinda knew what i was getting into. the plot really just carried on too long. i knew the ending and really just wanted them to get there rather than listen to some of the conversations that went on for awhile and created verbal circles.
halloween-
needs its own section because i love it so much. this year was kinda boring for me. i was a zombie schoolgirl which turned out decently well considering how little time i spent on the make-up. however, i didn't have anyone to zombie crawl with so i ended up just handing out candy at the house. i actually felt kinda sick that day (explanation later) so boo on not doing anything fun and useful. mom was in st. louis but she left me a card saying sorry she wasn't there. here's edward scissorhands to watch. so i did, along with thriller. the tuesday before i got a group to watch "it's the great pumpkin, charlie brown," per my own personal tradition. i did go to a haunted house this year, though. the dent schoolhouse. went the friday before halloween with stephanie, clarence, and a guy named ryan. it was kinda supposed to be a double-date (more on that later too). yeah, i was shocked i went too. i didnt get scared but i did enjoy all the decor and the people's make-up. and i got food and a glowstick out of it so woop. the day before halloween, i checked my mailbox at school to find out i had gotten a package- a shoebox full of candy from uncle bill and aunt terri. i love my life sometimes.
hoha-
nothing much has changed. i now usually go home on fridays to eat dinner and work when i get up on saturday. nothing ever really happens in the lounge. i don't know where people are these days. i'd assume they're either taking harder classes, becoming less social, going home more often, and/or working more than they used to.
basically stopped hanging out with brian. it was all fine and dandy when he hung out with me, allison and logan but with logan and allison back together, i never see them and it's awkward to hang out with just him because i have nothing to say anymore. he's also just too much. like he was all over me, then when allison broke up with logan, he was all over her and asked her out the same day, but she turned him down. then one day i was ignoring him and he was all over some other girl. i mean, i'm totally ok with touchy feely people who share the love but you can't pick a different person to be all over each day. that's just asking me to be jealous and angry, especially when i judge myself to be better than the new person you're all over. so yeah. he keeps trying to see me and really can't take the hint. i mean, i'd be nice if we just casually ran into each other like i am with some other cali people but he seeks me out just to get ignored, although to be fair, he really does come to see me when i'm busy doing homework and trying to avoid socializing with anyone, much less someone i have nothing to say to.
work-
yeah, the pages still suck. the spending money is nice though. i'm really hoping to start working more than i hang out and thus be able to start putting money away for scotland this summer.
guys-
here enters the conundrum. i like to believe i'm ready to date but i've realized as of late that i love being affectionate but not intimate. in fact, any sign of intimacy, however friendly it might be, quickly sends me into a panic. this recently occurred on the friday before last...well, technically, on halloween morning. i invited randy over to the house because i was bored and hadn't seen him in awhile. it was all fine and dandy- we played mario kart and watched some family guy. but then at some point, he kissed me. and it was just really surreal. like i once dreamt it would happen and ended up springing awake and thinking "that was weird. meh, at least it won't happen." but then it did. i mean, he made sure i was ok with it first so it was totally my call, but as it was happening i just had an "oh my gosh, this is ACTUALLY happening" moment. so, there, story of my first kiss. my basement, on halloween, with a friend, watching family guy. i mean, it wasn't anything big. no intense make-out session or anything. he hadn't been flirting with me but afterward, he smoothly slipped his arm around me and then apologized if he was making too many moves. i believe my exact response was "i don't care. i know that sounds bad but i mean it in a good way" as in, it doesn't bother me at all and i'm comfortable with you. i don't know how he took it but he was really gentle with me, trying to stop my shivering (hence, the panic attack from intimacy i mentioned before) and leaving when i was starting to get tired. i didn't really sleep that entire night though, dry-heaved all morning and didn't really eat all day. i was actually supposed to go to his band's show on halloween night but i decided catching up on sleep and making sure i didn't panic two nights in a row was more important. after, i asked him how it went and he said amazingly well, so that's good and i'm super happy for him. i asked if he was a rock star with groupies now and he said basically. apparently, all his bandmates were making out with random chicks after the show but he said he wasn't into that. so i can assume kisses at least mean something to him.
i guess the whole situation needs a bit more background. i've heard he's had a fling or perhaps more ongoing friends with benefits with another BMN (bad movie night) girl. whenever we hang out, he always refers to us as friends and i can barely get him to hug me goodbye. at BMN, he will usually sit by me, although the past couple times he hasn't really. i know he finds me attractive, but he's never really flirted or let on that he was interested (hence, why i didn't at first know he was even going in for a kiss). plus, i'm now being taught by his dad so when it happened, i honestly thought "dear gosh, what if dr. p hears about this?" which, i mean, i wouldn't be surprised if he did; i mean, they're pretty open in that house, but he hasn't mentioned anything outside of class. anyway, back to randy. i've noticed that he kinda avoids me when he smokes and drinks, which i think is really cool. i mean, when we kissed, i was just wearing whatever, no make-up, kinda wet from the rain, looking slobby in general, probably looked kinda tired and he was completely sober. and that just really meant a lot to me- that when he was the most himself and the most conscience and i was the least attractive that he would be the most affectionate. so yeah, that's the whole back story. i'm pretty sure we're still friends and he's not interested in dating me. i'm cool with that, but i also don't want to start dating someone else if there's still a chance that i could keep this new-found friends with benefits situation. this is actually kinda perfect. i'm single but unavailable. i still get all the benefits i would have from dating from different friendships but i don't need to date.
then the afterstory. i still have yet to officially and in his words clear up what, if anything, was meant in that kiss. or even just his reasons for wanting it because i just wanna know what it and i mean to him. but we've since hung out (musicals night last friday at adam's) so it's not awkward or anything. he acts the same so i assume he's not going to try to go anywhere with it now that something new's happened. i did happen to hear him talking to adam though. adam was mentioning how another BMNer, stephen, was flirting with another of the girls (not sure who) and he's like "i know he likes her, but you can't date inside the BMN circle. from experience, every fling attempt, drunken one night stands excepted, has ended in a huge chunk of the circle being lost because of awkward break-ups." and randy agreed with him, not looking at me at all nor trying to avoid my curious looks in their direction. so at that point, i was SURE he wasn't looking for a relationship at all. so whew? but then i still feel the kiss was going against that rule. i mean, friends with benefits has gotten be in the fling category too, right? i just feel like in that group adam is the alpha male and you do not go against his rulings about the group. if there are any issues, you bring them to him and he'll work it out for you, so i think in the near future, he and i need to have a little chat...if for no other reason than to clear up what is and isn't allowed within the circle. then i'll at least have guidelines and my life will be semi-less-complicated.
then there's ryan, my "date" from the dent schoolhouse. he now wants to go out with me. he knows nothing of randy. i plan to keep it that way. but still, i'm more attracted to randy than to ryan. not to mention i've only known this guy for like 3 hours. anyone that wants to date someone they've only seen (we didn't really talk because of the activity) for 3 hours probably only wants some ass, so blech. and he's 5 years older than me and that's just way too old for right now. the only thing he has going for him right now are his interests in life and part of his music selection, which i've only recently discovered since becoming his facebook friend so that he wouldn't have to contact me through stephanie. he wanted to go out this past weekend. luckily i was way too busy. and will be again this weekend and maybe the weekend after that, but i've been up front with him. i told him i'm busy basically all the time and i didn't know him well enough at the moment to be interested in a date. i figured i'd keep it simple until he got too persistent. hopefully, i'll just find someone else. i tell you, bad timing and complications always seem to come simultaneously with me and dating. ah well. good news i love being single. i just really have a feeling that ryan likes the idea of me, not me. i have a way of making people like me quickly, even if our personalities aren't compatible at all, as i can guess theyre not.
ok, i'll quit now. like i said, conundrum. still a work in progress that i plan to work out, hopefully before the holidays so that i can enjoy time with family and yummy food-lol. i can't believe how close that time is. ack!
other stuff-
mentioning really fast. yesterday i finally got to see my first bengals game in person thanks to kofi getting tickets. it was AH-MAZING!!! it's too bad the tickets are so expensive because i'd love to go a lot more. they won. and i got to actually hang out with brian for several hours whilst he was in town.
ok, i've rambled enough. there might be other big things or just some fun events i could mention but i really want to paint my nails and get some sleep, so another time, xanga. peace out. | | |
| 2 months later.
entering week 4 of school. go me. i'm so on top of things.
so school:
history of theatre and dramatic literature- more like a lit class than theatre to me. just that we only read plays and ignore the other genres. right now, we're still on the greeks. they're cool and all but it's kinda a history/mythology review. professor and students are cool though.
interpersonal communication- omg, i LOVE that class! my professor, who turned out to be my friend randy's dad, is super-amazing! there's like so much psychology in it (which i love) and it's so fascinating because i think it's something we all need and now, like he said we would, i finally am getting some labels for what people do everyday. right now, we actually have a project about self-concept and how others perceive us where i basically have an excuse to ask people what they think of me. so far, no one's responses have been that shocking and a couple (namely randy's and adam's) have kinda been more flattering that i would've expected.
french prose fiction- we're still in the beginning stages. took one quiz about the verb tense we have to recognize. thought i did really badly because i felt like crap that day but no, aced it...and it was worth 5% of our final grade. woop! but matt's in the class, along with a bunch of people i've had either in the film history or in 202, so that's cool and helpful.
stagecraft- i'm excited for this class but i feel kinda behind. a lot of people have had a ton of sewing experience and have done most of the stuff before so i'm a lot slower but i really feel like i'm picking stuff up quickly. we'll see how things go when we really start getting into the labwork (i'm making a gorgeously cute green halter dress if all goes well.)
stage appearance- yep, make-up. right now, we're just doing different ages. i have a feeling my skin is gonna be icky sometime this semester because it inhales all the oil make-up. but it's so visual that our awesome professor doesn't need to lecture during class...just kinda walk around and make points to us individually. so basically, we get to do cool things to our face and talk to each other about random stuff and then get out of class early. i'm just sad holdan isn't in it since he's thinking about changing majors. i'm just happy to have finally gotten to see him on friday by accident.
plays:
right now, i can't really remember seeing anything. oh wait. godspell!! the cypt version. SO Great! so much energy and cool blocking and such. we got front row center seats and greg was in it and it was just cool all around. yes, that much stuff in my life right now is "cool." i'm acknowledging how much i've used that word but hey, it happens. plus, i'm really chill and kinda tired right now.
guys:
yep, still not much to say. haven't met that many new guys yet. i mean, 3 of my 5 classes are theatre classes...in general, that means overwhelmingly female or gay. although hist of theatre seems to have a ton of straight guys but there's not much socializing time. same with communication and french. we got a ton of guys in french this year, though. that was shocking. but anyway, back more to the main point. i've pretty much stuck to old groups of friends and such so yeah. i did meet this guy brian though. not that i'm interested or anything but i'm pretty sure he's gonna be my new best friend because he's superawesome. he told kelly and i that he loved us because not only had we heard of avenue q but we could sing the songs. i felt special.  and he looks like napolean dynamite. epic win? most definitely. back to point- the most guys i've been meeting though are adam's friends because i'm hanging out at his place a lot more. i've gotten to the point where it's like "yeah, so i'll be the only sober one. idc. at least they know how to have a good time." not to mention they're like they're own cult. everyone knows everyone else's entire life stories and they're always there to help each other out. i really like that. but yeah, those guys all have their vices so i'm not sure i could ever really like them like i usually like guys as in "he's perfect. i'll feel it out." which then brings me to randy. i don't think he's ever flirted with me so i should be totally ok but i REALLY feel myself drawn to him, like stronger than anyone i remember. or at least stronger than anyone who wasn't my better judgment. i feel like for me, he's trouble waiting to happen, so he'd be wrong for me so i'd never like him that way, but he's...contagious...and addicting. if he's around, i tend to stall to just listen to him talk longer. and now we hang out more often. and whenever i leave, i miss him right away. maybe it's the whole he's the only guy i see a lot right now who's just freaking honest and puts everything out there. he at least admits his vices (and frankly, they seem better than several other people's) and makes me forget them by making me laugh and really caring about what i think and how i feel and frankly by telling me often how "super badass" and awesome i am. i know. that makes me sound obsessed, but truly, i'm just fascinated. i've never met anyone like him. plus, he's one of the few who will share my celtic obsession so that's always a plus. it was just really weird on friday (bad movie night) when we happened to be sitting on the same couch and i was crashing so i just kinda laid my head on his chest and eventually, he put his arm around my shoulders and when he did, i felt this instant jolt go through my body and not like a nervous jolt or a surprised jolt...a thoroughly pleasant jolt, but it just really threw me off. true, besides a ton of hugs, i just haven't had a lot of physical contact lately so maybe having that connection just shocked my body but it made me want more. it really awakened something i've probably been missing since cast parties. just getting this all out now makes me twitchy. i think it's official. i'm addicted...in a very oddly platonic way. i'm not sure if i should be ok with this...
work:
finished out the summer. made a lot of money i don't need but i'll probably need it to support my theatre habit. actually got called back to shelf-read on weekends for awhile and that's going pretty nicely. actually paged on the day of the fireworks, which btw are AMAZING on the river. fall break's about a month away so i wonder if i'll be working then too...or picking up some hours during the week when melissa's on vaca this month.
hoha:
well, back for another year. it took awhile to get kinda close to the freshman but now i'd say there's a good bunch i keep up with. we already started watching seasons of pokemon in logan's room. i also feel like i'm getting closer to the older kids too since we can bond about old times when the frosh decide they really do need to sleep or do homework or go to whatever meeting or event seems necessary. they're really cool though. the lounge is still kinda blah though. today we actually had a good 5 people in it. life really came tonight when james (in our now weekly movie night) brought beatles rock band from his house. gah, awesomeness. i'm just really pissed off today because my r.a. had to kinda lecture me about letting things ago. apparently, some dirty lil rat (and i have no idea who it was which pisses me off more because i thought i could trust these people) said i had said something very upsetting about the kid in the hall that i really have nothing in common with and just have no way to communicate with. believe me, i've tried. any time i try to reach out, he shoots me down. attacks the things i like...raves about things i find offensive. so yeah, poor r.a. had to talk to me and basically tell me to shut up, which as we all know, i can't do. and now i have to rant here because that conversation "never happened." nothing occurring in said non-existent conversation is ever allowed to be brought up, yadda yadda. i'm a person that needs to get things off her chest. i already dwelled on this for like 10 minutes in the shower before i remembered "oh, yeah, i was supposed to actually be showering." so yeah, this was my compromise to at least get that done. now i've spent at least an hour typing the rest of my life to get up to this point. the catharsis is nice and all. and now i don't have so much to catch you up on. plus, just posting this with nothing before would just be weird. anyway, yeah, now i'm just really mad that i have no idea who ratted me out. because, frankly, i don't even know what i might have said that got them so upset and sent them running to our r.a. 1) i never think before i speak. 2) i don't start shit. 3) i don't remember half of what i say. 4) 80% of what i say shouldn't be taken at face value. it's all true but i usually mean no harm by it and you may not stick around to hear the thought behind it. 5) deep down, i couldn't be mean if i tried. 6) i'm one of those who's easily misinterpreted. 7) YOU SHOULDN'T GO BLABBING YOUR EFFING MOUTH ABOUT THINGS MOST LIKELY SAID (IF SAID AT ALL) AMONG FRIENDS IN A PRIVATE ROOM. now if i were going around the lounge or talking to people i don't usually talk to and say "oh, that creepy kid. eck i hate him!" (and apparently, he does think i hate him. he told reggie when i was in the room.) then yeah, but i wouldn't. but i can hardly be expected to hold out on my comments when one of my friends brings a topic up that involves me. just saying. so my friends have been saying i don't come out of my room and i've been antisocial this year and after this, that may soon become the truth. i stayed here late on friday and everyone was gone so i'm like "screw you guys. you say stay on the weekends and you're not even here." and now, if everything i say confidentially is gonna get me in trouble, then why on earth will i associate with these people? not to mention that other people HAVE brought this kid up in conversation and DO hate him. i don't know why i was singled out when i know other people's thoughts and they happen to be worse. of course, i wasn't gonna tell our r.a. that. he can stay in his own happy world where he thinks this kid is integrating nicely and whatever happened between me and him is ancient history (and the big thing i really HAVEN'T mentioned here due to legal rules and such). it's not dead. no one's forgot, even though i haven't said anything. he's still digging his own hole and harassing other people but apparently that "didn't happen" either. there, proper rant for the day. i mean, i don't blame my r.a. at all for doing his job and trying to make the hall all buddy buddy but i think he's really unaware of stuff that's going on. i just think i'm in extenuating circumstances that thus made me the target of "so-and-so said something bitchy" when i really didn't. it's just really not worth pursuing further or being a rat myself and bringing down everyone else whom i know has said something on the matter. but i'm still pissed about whoever "turned me in." that put in quotes because i didn't even do anything wrong. gah, bitches. ok, on that happy note, i really have to sleep. i have to get up in 7 hours. hope this anger still lets me settle down. maybe i'll put in some movie reviews soon when i talk about nhs. yet again, a lot of this stuff can be found on my twitter/fb. | | |
| here i am on the fourth, another month of summer past. crazy month.
currently, my life is being consumed by work. i think the worst day was last saturday. i couldve stayed overnight at anissa's friday but i had to work sat. and that day i woke up to a text from stephie to join her and alicia for lunch at dewey's. so one day of work efficiently prevented me from seeing 12 friends. awesomesauce...not.
anyway. went to mandy's grad party and loved it. i really uber miss my theatre peeps. i honestly loved that more than seeing my dorm. also mentioning then, i drove to lexington with susie for anissa's birthday. and she was completely non-useful. she left one album on repeat the entire way there and then another on the way back. idk how she could stand it. and she was the one street-scoping. i made every possible wrong turn as soon as i turned that job over to her. and i must say...all lex driveways are like driving over a curbs so turn-arounds are not fun. and she didn't pay for any of the $15 of gas. she was only good for company, although i'm one of those people that just gets annoyed by people trying to talk to them when they drive. i was hoping we'd have andrew too so she could talk to him instead but he got held up with classes. were she not there, i prolly wouldve called my mom because she wouldve liked to know where i was and stuff. and then i couldve blasted MY choice of music and sung at the top of my lungs rather than have good songs on but not being able to sing because she was talking over it. 13 were there and the food was AH--mazing!! we watched ppp and that was hilarious but we were really missing some of the big people so it didn't feel like the hoha. i mean, it was fun but it just felt normal. not like i was back in school, but still, like a semi-normal day.
we had a street sale that day. i bought a framed photograph of the roebling bridge at night. gorgeous. but it was so uber hot...so crazy considering today's high was maybe in the lower 70s.
school:
my summer class was cancelled, so i guess i'm going to have to be more ok with this summer thing, which at this point, i think i really am now. was considering picking up the same class this fall since i'm only at 15 hours and it fits into one of my open slots, but i decided not to to prevent a long day and a very short time to get food. i thought it would be way too easy because for the 1st semester since i've been here, i'm not taking any honors classes and that was a lot of my work load, but i'm also not taking any gen-eds and those would be my "could sleep thru" balancers. i just wanted to feel it out. i'll probably be kicking myself come spring or next fall but i'm really going to try to squeeze in some more classes next summer if at all possible.
other news. got housing with jodi. emily applied norse but got f-wing cali so woot! can't wait to show her the ropes. need to buy my parking pass and books still.
plays:
guys and dolls- ton of nku people out in falmouth with kincaid regional theatre. awesome awesome awesome! a lil cheap (costumes and props screwing up during the show) but the talent and choreography and orchestra were great!! i think of the 3 casts i've seen, this has been my favorite in overall performance. there's a couple others i wanna see this summer so i'll see if i can pull that off with work. i had to take off to see this one but i already had tix before they changed my schedule.
guys:
nothing to say! isn't it amazing? i guess that's what happens during summer though. unless i hang out with adam who has guy friends i've never met, no one really invites people i don't know to get-togethers i go to. usually, at school, i need the crush just to direct my energy somewhere, but during summer i have no energy? idk. it works. i mean, a cute russian guy does come into work at least once a week...as in, a patron, not an employee. i still have no idea what his name is though because he's always there with an american guy and they never use each others' names.
of course, this weekend is for family. my mom's cousin from hawaii who's cross-country biking was in town so i met him yesterday and the whole family hung out then went to dinner. today, parade and mom's side picnic. actually off-work those days (miracle!!) tomorrow, church, work, then dad's side. i'm gonna be sooooo worn out. but then i start my whole week of long shifts. with melissa out with surgery still and margaret in germany, amanda and i are covering all the hours. i'm 5 over what's "legal" for pages per week. i think they'll both be back next week so hopefully my hours will really drop and i can have friday, saturday and sunday off again. and then my mom's side (aka all 4 sisters [my aunts and mom] and the brother [my uncle] and his kids, brian, dad, and i) are going to gatlinburg end of this month/start of next. i'm so psyched!! and i could probably go on a few day trips with my family once my weekends free up, like indy or columbus, or lex or maybe louisville to see brian's house. i was gonna go down there to see spring awakening first week of june but then i heard it's coming for aronoff's next season, so i promised my mom i'll hold off. at least, after the lex trip, i now know i can at least last driving for 2 hours (there was a huge delay and then a thunderstorm bad enough to make some people pull off onto the shoulder until it slowed).
so crazy- i wasn't even in a type-y mood when i started this because i'm already so tired. i sleep in on my workdays but i've been waking up earlier than normal on my off-days and not napping later? it's so not right. prolly not a good idea, too, considering how much work is gonna make me hurt soon. anyway, that's all i can think of now. well, i'll also mention that i've made it my summer project to watch every best picture winner. i think i've knocked off 37 and am in the middle of 38 and still have 3 more after that on pre-recorded vhs and then maybe another 2 on recorded-from-tv vhs but idk how good those will be. and i'm still saving 3 dvds because i promised to watch those with other people. once i catch up on all that, then i'll go searching...prolly right thru the library's dvd collection. so yeah, if you want reviews of the 20 i've seen this summer, check twitter. i'll prolly turn it into a facebook note too. get all my bases covered. but now i'm really going to stop typing. au revoir! | | |
| i just realized how long it's been since i've blogged, which is quite lazy of me considering i've been out of school as of 11:30ish may 8th.
it's my 19th birthday, officially now. i realize i usually categorize and have a play-by-play, but considering the occasion, i think i'll start with a little reflection over the year. I'm not tired at all and oh so bored and alone and full of words, so feel free to cop out now or at least skip to the categorized entries later in the post because i'm not sure how coherent this is going to be. anyway...i've now made it a year through college. surviving classes could hardly be called that. i feel like college isn't about learning more at all. it's about awareness. the professors (the ones i like, anyway) acknowledge that you know enough so they instead take what you already know and what you see every day and teach you to notice new things about it now. that whole think for yourself or don't think at all thing. i like it...ok, LOVE it. well, that, and the fact that i never have the same class 2 days in a row. and my longest day of class was from 8-5:50 with a break from 12:05 to 3:05. the 2nd semester i was only in class, at worst, for 4 hours (including an hour break for 2 days). i've also realized how fake people in high school were...or maybe they've just matured as much as i have since coming to college. regardless, at the reunion, i saw whom my true friends were because they ran over and we talked and still say hi if we run into each other. other girls who would socialize in high school are now apparently above acknowledging me. yeah, f you too, bitches. ah well. they'll regret it one day when i'm happy and secure. and then, thanks to facebook apps, some offensive, so-called "anonymous" answers to question have been revealed to be from 4-year friends from high school. some friends, thinking i'm shallow and a slut. awesome.
so i've been considering friends in general. i just don't know what to think. i've realized by talking to logan that i don't have a lot of what i'd consider friends in the HoHa. i mean, i have companions who i could drag along someplace i want to go and who'd have my back and listen to my pointless stories (not without complaint, mind you) and who'd put me up for the night if i were lonely or if i get a mean roomie. but honestly, i see a friend as something more, something hard to explain, but definitely someone i'd be willing to spill my guts to and who'd return the favor, someone who'd always have my best interests in mind when giving advice and someone whom i'd trust my life with. i mean, i have a couple people whom i really trust, but most are just there. and then, recently, i was thinking about best friends, mostly because randolph declared we HAD to be best friends because he thinks i'm that awesome and all. and i realized i'm cool with being someone's best friend, like randolph's and susie's and wise's but *i* don't have a best friend. the first 2 of those 3 are awesome and all but not enough like me to be my best friend. i'd still love wise to be and he's the closest i've got but with him being a year younger, this year has been really hard for me. i mean, he's still having the high school experience and i'm here in college. and this fall, when he starts college, he'll be an 1 1/2 hrs. away and that's not cool. i really need someone here for consolation and hugs and staying up late in the dorms for slumber parties ish. honestly, right now, my mom is my best friend. she can almost always be coerced into going to things i want to see. she knows me the best. she's close and i tell her everything and she keeps it all straight (mostly). i just wanna see how things develop this summer and fall.
i think i'll head into the categories now...
school- that race/gender presentation went really well. the music video was...well, idk. i'm satisfied with it. mostly because i did it AFTER all the musical stuff. so *i* filmed it, which made the editing easier but i didn't listen to the song enough so i didn't anticipate some of the instrumentals and held out notes so i had to improvise. and a shot or two i forgot to film, so more improv'ing so the pacing and the action wasn't exactly what i wanted. i really didn't care. it was harder than i'd thought to get the people to agree to film though.
musical project needs its own paragraph. so it took forever to film, mostly because holdan kept being pissy about filming decisions. we agreed to put off his sound-recording due to his sinus infection, but he didn't even want to film because he was always tired. i felt bad but it became crunch-time. weather also wasn't helping. ah well, it got done. it took me 30 hours alone to edit it. not counting credits, it was about 22 minutes. for the time, i was with the group, making some kind of imput...77 hours total i believe. shoot me now. but it was worth it. i mean, considering what we started with, i'm satisfied, but in general, yeah, it still pretty much sucks. i'm frustrated that i didn't even do the vocals on "come what may" because i wasn't able to practice and make it muscle memory so i listened to me trying to harmonize to a still semi-sick Holdan and had to make them stop because it was SOOOOO off it was torturous and had steph sing it for me because we really didn't have time for me to get it down. with more time, i know i could have. i really only signed on for courtship because it was supposed to be a rent song...way more in my range. going along with that, we had to rewrite to james no longer luring me off with his guitar to holdan just ditching me. i'm still trying to make dvds. thank God the *one* i made for jodi finally worked (imovie crashed right as the hour-long export was finishing...at like 5 a.m. the day it was due so i had to do it over) because the one i made later for the family was damaged so i need to work out the kinks and make them for the group.
overall, good year. have a 4.0 still (somehow). just checked today and my french flip credits are in, so i have 82 credit hours. =)
plays:
avenue q- sat only with susie but went also with reggie and his roommate roger. it was hilariously awesome!!! even if we had to pay $33 each to sit in the last few rows of the 1st balcony. really really loved it.
mulan, jr.- last play for the nda/cch seniors of '09. another great. really could see how far the guys have come along. and the sets and costumes were awesome. another, went with susie.
a chorus line- mom's belated mother's day present. sat in row j on the floor. only $28 each. never will get that, considering how long the show ran. idc if it's because it's older. anyway...i guess it was good but i honestly think this was one of the few times where the movie version really covered everything in the stage show and it works better as a movie. the speaker-voice of zach was just kinda creepy to watch onstage. the line lighting was scary too or just not great for making out characters but the dancing lighting was awesome. and i loved the mirrors. i just wished sometimes that they would've used them more as props/set pieces. i was happy to pay the price just to watch the curtain call with the sparkles and the kickline. EPIC. and after knowing elliot, i don't use that word lightly.
guys:
i'll try to keep this short because at the moment, i really don't care.
so james...he had a fraternity formal. he asked steph. she turned him down. he stopped hanging out with us. i realized it was never about me. he still to this day ignores me even though he said we'd be best friends. i realize i was WAY too obsessed and desperate. epic fail on my part, moving on. anyway, he took this other chick he'd never met. he said how cute she was...frankly, she looked freakishly like him. anyway, her name was rachel and she had dark hair and a good taste in everything. how could i do anything but approve? they dated. they broke up. it's now awkward because i don't know if he's just in his own lil world all the time or really hates me but it's not something i can ask. i just we had what he and susie had...or have...idk. i don't ask. and then, wah-bam. irony. i see him at putt-putt today when i'm there with the fam. idk if he noticed me. he didn't say anything, but then again, he never talks to me. i'll still probably mention it to him sometime soon. awkward... ah, well, whole thing is his loss. when i realized holdan was paying me more attention when he already had a gf, i knew i should quit.
met...well, finally spoke to, this cute guy at cali. found out later his name is sean. all i knew was he was wearing chucks, dorky glasses and drum cases. needless to say, fell in love. but then we left for summer. see if he's back in the fall and find some way to break the ice.
then, there's randolph. he's established we're friends. and i'm not gonna lie...i'm still somehow not really attracted to him. but we have such similar opinions and even though he's way older, he finally has a spirit that's about as young as mine. another i'll just be waiting out to see how i feel.
honestly, i think i'm going to direct my energy in a different direction come fall. assuming i don't meet some hot new guy, i'll be heading for brad. he's in theatre, religious, smart and cute. can't beat that. and i already know him. idk...i just think it would work. another plot of mine soon to be foiled or shown to be so completely creepy. i'm not gonna say it's a stalker situation but i realize it sounds like that. all i'm saying is that he is the next logical choice for me.
that was all i really wanted to cover. i'm not sleepy now or anything but i'm bored of this blog and now randolph's online so i have someone to talk to. maybe i'll say how the b-day went later. | | |
| just pointing out first of all...the paper i was talking about writing in my last blog wasn't even required. i wrote about 5 pages for no reason. yay...
but i figured i should write a blog while i'm happy and awake. so yeah, i have a presentation to get together by thurs. but i'm not too worried about it. then i have my music video (i'm doing out tonight) and i've already gotten people lined up for that and i wrote out filming directions today so im really psyched to do that and hoping it won't take too long. then i'm really worried about our group project for musicals. i mean, i personally have lots of free time, but getting people down to work is gonna be hard. it's due the 30th. i'm doing all the editing. this is gonna be awesome...i mean, i'm really excited for it but i think we need to put the whatever to the grindstone.
*insert at least 2 hours time of fife and logan and i discussing exes and the concept of love* surprisingly, im still in an upbeat mood. but i'm not as awake.
anyway...
i suppose i should talk about guys again, especially considering those 2 hours i've just had. something i didnt mention last time but i thought was cool. i mentioned that i had a dream about holdan. well, i also had one about james. i remember sitting on his lap (he was wearing khakis) and we were both looking at one of our laptops and then i turned to him to tell him something and i just realized how close our faces were and just silently stared into his eyes for a couple seconds before i got that feeling and you know which one i mean. and i wasn't even really asleep because i was very aware of this surge of blood from my chest and woke up to feel that ache in my chest with a pounding heart. it was weird and cool at the same time.
again, anyway, susie and steph decided to add james to our plot because they thought it would be amusing if he swept me away from holdan after our song to make way for steph and his duet. i think it started out because susie just assumed he and i were a thing but i wasn't going to tell her. idk what she assumes at this point because she teases me about how we talk all the time but she also knows i talk to wise all the time, but ive known him longer and hes my best friend and james is newer and all. i just dont know.
so holdan's apparently now unofficially dating someone. i'm really happy for him. it's weird. i'm not jealous at all. maybe james was just supposed to come along to take that energy away so i didnt have another read situation. hopefully someone will come along before james dates anyone too. i hear i have until next semester.
so about james...guess i should elaborate. so he's going on about how he's unlucky in love and yadda yadda. and he says what he wants in a girl. minus the fact that i'm pretty sure i'm just a little too short for him, he basically described me. and he says girls wont understand this or that and i understand this AND that. and it seems like anytime one of us states an opinion, the other agrees or at least doesn't disagree enough to argue the point. and i just really wish we could be together because i know we'd work out really well because he truly understands how i'm feeling. lately, i feel like he's been getting all my negative energy because no one else would understand it. that thread? its a couple days short of a month and its up to 909 messages. and he'll share everything and really respond to what i'm saying but when we're together in person...GAH! it's so frustrating! if the two of us are alone, he'll usually at least pay me SOME attention but one time it was me and 2 other chick friends of his (i believe i've already mentioned this) and he didnt look at me once that day, never spoke directly to me. well, the same thing happened last thurs. it was like a day after he described what kinda girl he wanted. the 3 musketeers actually got him to agree to take a break from work (which i'd been advising him to do for awhile but i agreed to wait for that until tues aka tomorrow...well, today now) and come join our weekly musical party. i was the one who basically made him come to practice a presentation for one of his classes and thought he'd leave soon after. well, he ended up not practicing for hours and stayed there (contentedly i presume) until we had gotten some stuff worked out on our group musical. he was there from like 8-1. that entire time, he never really paid me any attention. I was the one who invited him but he called susie to let him in and its been all about her lately. now that theyre facebook friends theyre having all kinds of status conversations and they sit next to each other in musicals and all thurs. night he was listening to her talk about her family and all these pointless stories and having a REAL conversation. the only time he ever really spoke to me was when i offered to lead him to a couple places in the maze of callahan and even then, he never really looked at me. i like to believe its because we always talk on facebook and he wants to get to know the other 2 better and steph was busy with holdan that night because if i annoyed him and he was avoiding me, wouldnt he just stop replying to the thread and always make up excuses if i invited him over? i just really dont know why he does it. its the one thing about him that bothers me and its only because i don't understand. but i dont want to offend him by asking and him interpreting it as me sounding hurt or feeling like i don't get enough attention from him. so yeah. and now he says he's given up on girls until next semester. awesome for me. i mean, at least i'm happy that we've established we're officially friends now. maybe i'll get lucky and later on, he'll start to have feelings but for now, it's fine. i may just wait for next semester too because its not worth guy-scoping with 3 weeks left. where on earth would i meet a new guy?
anyway, thats all i wanted to get off my chest at the moment. should you happen to read this, feel free to make comments. i've already had my cry fest at 3 am friday night/sat. morning. about how life wasn't fair and how james and i would be just what the other needs and how he shouldnt have talked to susie because she's definitely not his type. and now i'm going to enjoy reading some of my old poetry. i want to write some now. but i don't know what to say. i also want to color some mandalas and make a sketch of elvis (it was just a project thought i had). i'll prolly be inspired in the poetry department soon then and end up having to scribble it on a napkin or something. also have some reading i'd like to do so ttfn! | | |
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